No Longer a Choice

The diarrhea, immense pain, and other symptoms had subsided a bit after my laparoscopy. It was about a year later when I started having symptoms again. I was scared. I remembered these feelings way too well. Now my doctor had warned me that it could come back, I just didn’t want to believe him. He told me that I should have as many kids as I want as soon as I can, because this disorder is unforgiving. It takes and takes and doesn’t let you have a word in edgewise. He said I would end up needing a hysterectomy at some point when the pain and symptoms get too bad to function. Now, I knew I wanted another child, but I didn’t realize it would be so quick. My OB had to put me on fertility medication, Clomid, to get things going as quickly as possible. It still took 4 months to get pregnant with the medication. Let me tell you that medication was AWFUL. I experienced hot flashes, mood swings, nausea, diarrhea, and a few more symptoms. I just kept telling myself that it was worth it, because it meant I could have another child. I was really relieved that I got pregnant when I did, but I wasn’t ready for the type of pregnancy that I had. When I was about 12 weeks pregnant I started bleeding. I was beyond scared. I went to the hospital and it took a little while for the to find his heart beat, but then the pumping got abruptly loud and I started crying. I was so relieved that the little guy was okay. At 13 weeks I had to get an ultrasound. I thought it was just going to be the usual ultrasound with nothing to worry about. Boy was I wrong. Afterwards I was told that it was hard to see, but that I may have a disorder called Amniotic Band Syndrome. Of course, I had no idea what this was before the doctor explained it to me. Basically, it is when there are strands of tissue in your uterus that entrap the fetus’ limbs and cause birth defects. So babies can be born without limbs or with defective ones. At that point I was pissed at my endometriosis. I was sure that that was what was causing this. I had to schedule an ultrasound with the maternal fetal medicine department which was much more high-tech, so they could see if I had the syndrome for sure or not. Unfortunately, the earliest opening they had was in a month. They expected me to wait one whole month with this kind of worry? The pictures in my mind about having a baby without limbs. I mean, sure I would love my baby no matter what, but what kind of life would that allow him to have? I was 17 weeks along when I trekked into the MFM clinic. I was beyond nervous and sick to my stomach. I had the ultrasound and was waiting in the consult room with my sister for the Radiologist to come and tell me my baby’s fate. The Radiologist came in and explained what was going on. I didn’t have Amniotic Band Syndrome. Thank the Lord. But I wasn’t completely off the hook. I had something called synechiae. I had no idea what these were either! They turned out to be scar tissue inside my uterus that were in band form. So it was something that was easily confused with Amniotic Band Syndrome. I also had 3 subchorionic hemorrhages that lined my uterus. This is bleeding that happens when the placenta detaches itself from the wall of the uterus and it forms a kind of blood pocket between the two. The doctor said if these increase there would be a greater chance of miscarriage and that I really need to take it easy, which is NOT my forte…but I had to for the sake of my baby. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was SO swollen and my blood pressure was increasing. He thankfully came by himself a day after his due date and was a healthy 10 lb. 3 oz. baby. The terrible pregnancy was OVER.



They say that Endometriosis is supposed to improve with pregnancy, but mine definitely didn’t. After I had Zain my pain and symptoms were bearable. Nothing I wasn’t used to anyways. But then it was about 1.5 years after I had Zain where my symptoms were unbearable. They were to the point that my doctor had warned me about that day in his office. It had to be time. I was having diarrhea 5 times a day on average. I was so sick at work, it was embarrassing to have to run to the bathroom all day long. I was having a hard time hiding the pain, like I was able to do for so many years before. I could barely go to a Viking’s game that I had been planning to go to because I felt so miserable and so much pain. I couldn’t even enjoy myself, it was awful. This disorder was taking control of my life. It had been trying to run my life for years, but I didn’t let it before. Now it was taking every piece of strength I had inside me and it was kicking it to the curb. I had no choice anymore.


Follow my next post to see what happens when I can’t bear the pain anymore and don’t forget to subcribe!

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